ishtar

In the past I did many things (yoga, therapy, homeopathy, Tibetan medicine, shiatsu, sound healing, aromatherapy - studied all of these as well) But a wave of aversion has and lethargy has come over me, at this point lack of sleep and clutter Didn't find the support I needed at the time of the last downward spiral 2 1/2 years ago. Maybe I need an expert in bipolar depression, though in the past medications have been disastrous. I have come to have a deep distrust of both the doctors and meds which is why I traveled the alternative route. I blame myself. You'd think I'd try anything at this point .

Thank you for your insightful answer. I know what you are saying. It's the first steps that I am finding disturbingly hard to make. I tackled a bit awhile ago and I just give up after a bit, not really finishing any part of it. The bag of clothes to get rid of is still sitting there. I need to stop giving up on myself and I keep hesitating to find a therapist. It makes me weary to even think of that task. This can't go on too much more like this or I will go down.
I'm isolating myself, I know this, but feel like I just put on an act with people, don't want my friends to really see/know the shape I'm in. I don't understand why I'm not getting help for this. I've struggled so hard to rise above a lot of depression and difficulties for much of my life, and I have successfully come out of it. It's seems so hard to start all over again.

But this is what I must do. There is negative programming crowding my head. Classic depression words. I guess I fear medication and need to face my fears, stop being resistant to treatment.